Let the bad times roll

Salam all,

Im staring at the laptop screen for hours and revert the post into draft many times. I dont know how to start.
But I do know I need to talk about it.

I rasa ramai dah tahu I met with an accident last saturday. On the way balik from gerik to kelantan.
Masa jadi, I tengah lalu selekoh kiri and my car terbabas ke kanan.
Dalam sekelip mata, I was upside down in the car. Alhamdullilah, I pakai seatbelt masa semua ni berlaku. ( normally I tak suka pakai seatbelt)

Masa tu hujan renyai-renyai and jalan licin, I was driving alone. 3 1/2 hours journey from gerik to kelantan memang normal. Kadang-kadang I balik waktu malam, ada I gerak pukul 5 pagi balik, seorang diri, jadi jalan tu memang dah biasa I lalu.

Mungkin nasib I kurang baik hari tu, I terbabas. Masa mula-mula accident, I ingat I rasa sangat takut. Takde orang berhenti untuk tolong. sebab takde kereta lain masa kejadian ni berlaku.

I stuck dalam kereta for 10min, tergantung kat seatbelt. I pakai dua phones. Satu phone guna number maxis for call & sms, satu lagi smartphone for data plan & broadband. I nak capai phone maxis kat seat sebelah. tapi tak sampai. Phone yang dataplan je ada tapi phone ni tak boleh call or sms.

I whatssap a few contacts and Hezri. But they asked too many questions. and Hezri maybe tak perasan my whatssap . At that time i was stucked in the car. I need help. I need someone to call the police. I posted on facebook, minta tolong, try to post many times but failed. Kawasan bukit kat gerik, what do you expect? Memang susah nak dapat line. After 10 min ( lebih kurang) I rasa susah nak bernafas. dengan my position yang terbalik and seatbelt menahan badan I. So I bukak seatbelt and jatuh atas windscreen kereta yang dah pecah.
I tolak tolak pintu kereta and merangkak keluar, masa tu takde orang berhenti lagi. I lambai-lambai kat kereta yang lalu and diorang tengok je I tapi tak stop. I give up. I baring kat tepi jalan. Rupanya kawasan tu selekoh so orang tak boleh berhenti. Diorang kena pusing dulu kat depan baru datang. So masa orang sampai, towing truck also came. After that baru polis datang.

I was sent to Hosp Gerik terus, sebab my left hand tak boleh gerak, jeans I penuh dengan kaca. Ada cuts kat tapak tangan and lutut. I sakit dada juga, maybe sebab terhentak.

On that day, I memang okay. I manage to stay calm and pergi check up kat hosp, dapat injection, dah xray semua, I pergi balai polis buat report. dah settle semua baru hezri and his mum sampai from KL. My parents pula sampai 15min later.

I still boleh jokes around tapi bila malam tu, I cerita balik kat Hezri what had happened, I cried.

Post trauma? walaupun I takde major injuries, takde patah tulang etc. tapi Masya Allah, leher and bahu bengkak. ada bruises on my body here and there.
I memang macam robot. Stay still, tak boleh move around sangat. Hezri bawak I ke KL terus on Sunday sebab takut takde orang nak jaga kat Gerik. Then our wedding reception is on this coming saturday. dalam minggu ni kalau boleh dia tak nak I on the road sangat.

I tak boleh tunduk, so Hezri memang take a good care of me. Tolong pakaikan baju. tolong I mandi, tolong sikat rambut.Sebab I tak boleh angkat tangan lebih dari bahu. Nak baring pun Hezri kena tolong.
And I rasa nak nangis everytime I teringat macam mana I terbabas tu. macam mana bunyi kuat berdentum, bunyi kaca pecah. I still ingat macam mana I mengigil dalam kereta polis on the way to hospital gerik. I boleh cerita pasal tu tapi bila I duk seorang or baring pandang siling, the memories came and I rasa sangat takut and nak nangis. Bila duk dalam kereta, I cepat terkejut. Bunyi kuat sikit je terkejut.

 Everyone yang jumpa I kat hospital sangat amaze sebab I tak pengsan and  I manage to stay calm. Even the polices puji cakap I kuat semangat. So I know deep down I seorang yang strong and I can get through this. I kena try drive again. I kena hidup normal like I used to do.
Try my best jangan layan perasaan tu and stay strong. I takmau terbaring di hospital/rumah macam orang sakit.

Insya Allah, I can get through this. I know I can.