Sunday, December 20, 2009

The pseudo

three days more. towards my birthday.

i feel this weird feeling in my stomach, like u want to cry for no reason. 
obviously not butterflies.
earlier today, dad brought me to car showrooms. said i can pick up any cars that 
i like for my birthday prezie. happy? no, not even close. 
i know dad was really upset because i cant pick up anything and im not happy.
its not about the car, or anything else. i appreciate it. 
its just.. i dunno,
i have everything in my hand. everything that i want,
but maybe i hve what i want but not what i need.
theres a huge diff between what u want n what u need.
im not very happy these past few days.
i used to claim i got a pocketful of sunshine but not anymore.
i feel like theres something missing. 
im turning 22 in a few days,
a lil older and hopefully wiser. 
i used to turn to someone when im sad or lonely. 
obviously he cant be there anymore.
i normally woke up at 430am or 5am lately.
dunno why. its a plan wake up. its a sudden wake up. 
and i cant go back to sleep until 8am or 9am. 

one should not be sad or alone on her birthday right?
put up a pesudo smile,
happy front
and go out.
u'll be fine


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